How to convince Fiance that snuff isn't so bad...

[LaZeR]

So some of you may have followed my previous posts abroad concerning my fiance's attitude towards my tobacco habit(s). We met when I was still a Copenhagen dipper and she was a BIG part of me finally determined to kick that habit which I did for 45 days but during that time, I was going crazy and having terrible mood swings and pretty much treating everyone like shit around me so enough was enough thus enter SNUS. = A whole different story in itself, lets just say she expects me to limit myself to 2 portions a day :lol: and no more sterks!

Anyhoo, I've been intrigued by the discussions of snuff and finally placed an order for the Toque sampler + 1 bullet via advice from sage and others. I also ordered a few other brands from NicoTine Rush.

Now she is going off on me demanding I quit it or I don't love her... You know the old... Chose me or it line. wtf! I'm more put out at the notion of her dictating to me what I do without any merits to back it up moreso than the thought of actually giving up on snuff. I've went through the whole scpheel telling her how its one of the safest if not the safest ways of taking tobacco via my interwebs research which also pisses her off to no end the fact that I actually take time researching tobacco.

She tells me taking snuff is just down right stupid when I put her on the spot and ask wtf her issue(s) are with it. I made the mistake of telling her I'm enjoying tasting all the different flavors and that is a lot of the fun set aside any real need for added nicotine to my snus'in. So she proceeds to take a pack of crackers and mashes them up and tells me to stick them up my nose and tell her how they taste. :x

Where things stand now is I don't even dare do it around her, I don't carry my bullet in my pocket when with her. And she is trying to tell me not to order anymore snuff after I use what I already have.

So my :?: is for suggestions how to deal with this and/or convince her that it isn't no big deal.

PS: Oh yea, about my dark hanky, I'm being told to use kleenix instead :roll:

PSS: And don't tell me to leave her because I love her!

[justintempler]

I had to look you're 42 right? So you were a dipper for years? Quit for 45 days and turned to snus and your woman expects you to be satisfied with 2 portions of snus a day? :roll:

With all the propoganda out there, I don't know if you can convince her.

The only strategy that I know is to make it clear you are willing to compromise but she has to meet you part way. If you are willing to set limits and she has a zero tolerance, then she is being the unreasonable one.

Relationships mean there's give and take on BOTH sides.

[daruckis]

nothing a chainsaw wont fix.

[TBD]

My first reaction is to tell her to sod off.

BUT... the real solution is to find out what's really bugging her. If she won't listen to reason i.e. all the research, then there is something going on beyond just anti tobacco sentiment. Until you get to the truth you will never win the argument. I can see her being leery of snuff, but snus is so similar to dip that she didn't complain to much about, I see a unexplainable contradiction here.

[chadizzy1]

You could advice her to look online, find out for herself. She may think what you're saying is biased because it's something you want to do, so that is an option.

You could research everything (like I said, wealth of information online about smokeless tobacco) and put together some facts with sources attached, show her you did your homework and didn't just jump into a new hobby without looking into it first.

[tom502]

My wife doesn't mind, she only has concerns with the snuff as I have gotten some nasal congestion at times, but the snus doesn't bother her at all. None of it does really, I am an adult, it's legal, I work my stinkin job and it's my money. I don't make or expect her to use it. Quite simply it's my business, and it doesn't affect her. I can't make her stop eating chocolate bars, even though she should. I think it's about mutual respect. If your usage was a big problem, like drooling all over the couch, or having your face all covered with it in public, but I doubt that's going on. You could be a drunk. I think she really needs to be respectful of your hobby, as it's your business, it's legal, and it's not hurting anyone, it's better than smoking, and spitting in a cup.

[Veganpunk]

nothing a chainsaw wont fix.

This man speaks truth!

Anywho, my wife is not happy about the snuff either, only because she can't stand the smell of it. That whole it or me line is B.S. Marriage is about compromise, and she should be supporting you in quitting dip. Like Chad suggested, give her links to the information out there. I don't know the cost of dip, but I know snus and snuff is way cheaper then smoking, so you might have that going for you as well. Compromise is key though. Make a deal with her, you can snus as much as you want, but you'll never snuff around her. It's better then having to lie and hide, because women are evil I mean smart and she'll eventually find out out.

[RRK]

I don't know what to tell you if she cannot even explain why she doesn't want you to use it. But, I'd say you better figure out how to handle this situation now. If she is willing to make this kind of an ultimatum over small issues you better know how to deal with it before the big things come up.

[LaZeR]

Thanks all for the input and suggestions. I was mainly seeing what other's opinions are on this since just listening to her against me on this subject ends up making me feel like I'm doing something terribly wrong in defying her wishes on this. Hell she's even said I'm doing a "Drug" beings the tobacco/nicotine issue. I ask her if I'm an different or better than a "crack" addict in her mind and she struggles to even give me the impression I am.

Looking back as far as the Copenhagen dip, she made it clear she couldn't stand me doing that although never once set an ultimatum or anything. I just finally woke up to the "dirtiness" of it (respecting if I continued this I would directly effect her by occasionally having it my teeth, mouth... when kissing) along with the spit cans, also realizing I had lost enough teeth with that crap along with the occasional ridged/sour gums, other health concerns, and expense of going through 1 can a day @ roughly $3.70 a can. So I made both her and myself the promise to do whatever it took to kick that habit trying to go cold turkey which in the end as mentioned it just changed me too much as an individual emotionally and couldn't no longer handle the added stress and anger thus enter the compromise I made both with her and myself in the snus. With my goals being to be less detrimental to my health, a cleaner less disgusting tobacco usage around others, and seemingly in the end a much cheaper habit.

After much back n forth about the snus, she finally seemed to just accept it for now but continues of course to set this unrealistic expectations in my usage levels. And as I said this snuff just seems to put her over the edge so now I'm pretty much having to do it in private and completely clear of her in order to attempt to keep the peace. I just don't like having to hide and feel like I'm sneaking in order to enjoy something like this :x

I don't think there is any underlying issues with this concerning her other than she just tends to be a bit forward and aggressive when she has an opinion on something along with the fact she was an ex smoker for 20 years and was able to quit cold turkey some 4 years ago so I think she feels I should be able to do the same regarding tobacco.

[RRK]

Maybe she feels like you are not following through on quitting as you said you would. You went from cold turkey, to using snus, to using snus and snuff. If you promised her to quit tobacco then I can understand that she would be mad about adding new forms of tobacco and perhaps using more and more snus rather then less. Do you plan on eliminating all tobacco? Is this what her expectation is?

[Karanya]

...along with the fact she was an ex smoker for 20 years and was able to quit cold turkey some 4 years ago so I think she feels I should be able to do the same regarding tobacco.

Ah, now that explains it, at least in my mind.

I am a woman, and an evil one at that. I suspect she's jealous that you're getting (and enjoying) the nicotine she is not. If I were in your situation I would verrrrry carefully (and gradually) work on getting her to try snus or snuff herself. If you can re-addict her, all will be well.

I'll leave it to you to figure out whether I'm serious or not. But honestly? I've always been under the impression that the bitter ex-smokers are still jonesing and resent it when someone reminds them of their old friend Nic.

I'm also fascinated by the love/hate relationship most smokers seem to have with cigarettes. It is bizarre to me. My husband says I'm the bizarre one and that I'm abnormally rational.

Does she exhibit these controlling behaviors towards other aspects of your life or just tobacco? If it's just the tobacco, I think you have your answer as to why.

That said, I do NOT think you should put up with this shit. In my opinion this constitutes emotional abuse. Use as much snus as you want to (two portions a day is ridiculous!), snuff all you like (it's reasonable that you turn away from her while snuffing if she thinks it looks gross). If she shits a brick, remind her she is not your mother and tell her if she's jealous, she's welcome to try it out.

If that doesn't work, perhaps you should leave a pack of her old brand of smokes in her purse. I don't fight fair -- ask my husband :twisted:

--K

P.S. Disregard all this if your financial situation is so dire that your snus and snuff habits are a burden. If that's the case, your fiance may have a point.

[LaZeR]

To RRK, You may be on to something here. When giving up the copenhagen, I made it clear I would try to do anything it took to succeed. Hell, Even to the point of having my doctor prescribe me that "Buproprion" shit since my insurance wouldn't cover Chantix so yea, she may be looking at this as a sort of broken promise and she is quick to make her point that I am just expanding my tobacco dependence in her mind by the addition of snuff.

To Karanya, You may also be on to something. She makes it clear to me that I will NEVER lose the urge to have tobacco as she says she often still has to fight that urge. She especially pointed this out during my 45 quit days of struggling. I've made brief mention to her about trying the snus or snuff but havn't really seriously pushed it as #1, she has done so well breaking free of her addiction, #2, she's had some bouts with skin cancer (not associated with tobacco use) which ultimately dates back to the time of her quit 4 years ago when facing surgery for that and not being able to smoke during that time.

[Veganpunk]

I was gonna say the same thing about the ex smoking. My wife was the same way when she tried to quit cold turkey months ago, and I started the snus. Me personally can not live a normal happy life without nicotine. I've just used it so long, that I'm miserable without it. Your girl might be the same way. I've never went 4 years without it, but I would think I would never get fully over it. Ex-smokers are worse then non smokers when it comes to hating tobacco, smoking the most.

[sagedil]

LaZer, either Karanya is on to something or you have one major problem oion your hands that really hope you deal with now before it is too late.

Your fiance's behavior is disgustingly wrong, and feveals some thingss that you really do need to get a handle on.


So let me get this straight, you were a dipper when you two met. And as much as she may have disliked that habit, she still obviously liked you enoug to date, and even agree to marry?? And then you finally decide to seek out healthier alternatives, trying first to quit nicotine outright, that was really bad for you, so you find much safer and cleaner alternatives, and NOW, she is freaking out on you bout your nicotine use??? My friend, you fiance has some really bad control issues.

I do think Karanyais correct, but I suspect your fiance will not go along with it. If she can't figure out how just to support you in doing what you think is best for you, and in your case, best means finding safer, cleaner nicotine alternatives. If she is not willing to support you, then my friend, I hate to be the one telling you this. But maybe she isn't the one after all.

I would play hardball with her. Come home one day with a can of dip. Look her in the eyes and tell her she has a choice to make. Either you go back to dip, spit bottles and all, the man you were when she met you and first chose you, or she allows you to use whatever safer, cleaner alternatives YOU want on YOUR terms. Make her choose which one she wants, but make it clear you will no longer tolerate her trying to control your decisions. Either she loves you as you are, or she doesn't. Better figure that out now..

[LaZeR]

The thing that is sad and I don't think she fully understands is as far as not doing tobacco anywhere around her, I end up jonesing when we are together for an extended period of time and end up having to hide in a bathroom to take a toot of snuff OR slip in a portion. :?

PS: Speaking of. Where is a good place to conceal a bullet? Don't say down my pants because she would find it there. :lol: