How to convince Fiance that snuff isn't so bad...

[Veganpunk]

I'm telling you, she'll find it anywhere. Girls have a sixth sense called - I know your hiding something from me.

[sagedil]

In your sock. Where I used to hide cigarettes.

I smoked when I met my ex-wife. She hated cigarettes. She even had turned down a guy for a date the week before we met only because he smoked. but I was so special, she over looked it.

I tried to quit many times over the 17 years we were together, but would always go back. We would slip into a routine where I would try and hide it from her. she of course would always figure it out, but wouldn't say anything cuase she knew if she did, i would then just smoke so much more.

But Laura loved me, knew about my cigarettes both when she me3t me and agreed to eventually marry me. Yes, she desperately would have prefered didn't smoke. But she loved me first and just accepted that part.

But when I look back and remember all the times I was jonseing so bad for nicotine, looking for ways to sneak off and get a hit. It is just all so pathetic. Laura loved me enough that she would really prefer was just honest with her and smoke then play those games, and it took me almost 7 years to figure that out on my own.

If I would have discovered snus whle the two of us were still together, she would have just celebrated with me the wonderfulness of snus

[LaZeR]

So let me get this straight, you were a dipper when you two met. And as much as she may have disliked that habit, she still obviously liked you enoug to date, and even agree to marry?? And then you finally decide to seek out healthier alternatives, trying first to quit nicotine outright, that was really bad for you, so you find much safer and cleaner alternatives, and NOW, she is freaking out on you bout your nicotine use??? My friend, you fiance has some really bad control issues.

Yes. / I was still quit at the time I proposed. / I do think she has some serious control issues.

I do think Karanyais correct, but I suspect your fiance will not go along with it. If she can't figure out how just to support you in doing what you think is best for you, and in your case, best means finding safer, cleaner nicotine alternatives. If she is not willing to support you, then my friend, I hate to be the one telling you this. But maybe she isn't the one after all.

Admit tingly she has come a long way with accepting to some degree the snus. It's just this frustration of her putting her foot down to these tobacco issues and w/o coming clean with me on any real merit to her feelings. All I hear is it's stupid or it's an addictive drug.

I would play hardball with her. Come home one day with a can of dip. Look her in the eyes and tell her she has a choice to make. Either you go back to dip, spit bottles and all, the man you were when she met you and first chose you, or she allows you to use whatever safer, cleaner alternatives YOU want on YOUR terms. Make her choose which one she wants, but make it clear you will no longer tolerate her trying to control your decisions. Either she loves you as you are, or she doesn't. Better figure that out now..

I've thought about this. :lol: The funny thing is she keeps her last pack of menthol cigs in her freezer (going on 4+ years now) and she took my last can of copengagen dip with only like 1 pinch out of it and stuck it in her freezer several months ago when I quit.

[Karanya]

The funny thing is she keeps her last pack of menthol cigs in her freezer (going on 4+ years now) and she took my last can of copengagen dip with only like 1 pinch out of it and stuck it in her freezer several months ago when I quit.

IMO, that is *really* telling.

--K

[LaZeR]

:idea:
Just figured out where to conceal my Toque snuff "Bullet"! It fits nicely inside and along with portioned snus inside the can. :lol:

[RRK]

:idea:
Just figured out where to conceal my Toque snuff "Bullet"! It fits nicely inside and along with portioned snus inside the can. :lol:

I don't think hiding things will be very productive.

Also, one thing I have learned in my short life is that no one can really change anyone else. We can only influence those around us by setting an example and expressing the effect something has on us. Education is useful if someone is ignorant or naive but exposing those traits often times results in defensiveness.

[LaZeR]

:idea:
Just figured out where to conceal my Toque snuff "Bullet"! It fits nicely inside and along with portioned snus inside the can. :lol:

I don't think hiding things will be very productive.

I've just been told not to let her catch me with the bullet in my pocket when we are together.

Thus:

[daruckis]

this is ridiculous, what does she think youre ****ing six years old? jesus christ, i cant stand that controlling shit. what does she care anyway? its not her nose. i agree with karanya, this borders on emotional abuse.

[LaZeR]

this is ridiculous, what does she think youre ****ing six years old? jesus christ, i cant stand that controlling shit. what does she care anyway? its not her nose. i agree with karanya, this borders on emotional abuse.

I did come straight out and tell her I feel like she "tries" to be more strict with me than her own 13yr old daughter. :roll:

For now though I'm not giving it up, I'll just hold up to the agreement and not "snuff" anywhere around her. A snus pouch tucked neatly up under my top lip... now that's another story!!! :twisted:

[Toque Snuff]

When I met my wife she was a cancer research scientist and I was a 30 a day man, hence the switch to snuff.

Two beautiful children later and it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for snuff.

Tell her to do some research. http://www.smokeless.org.nz/ is a good place to start.

Also these quotes from the most respectable bodies might help.

The British Medical Journal
Our findings suggest that a new age for snuff is coming and it is a feasible alternative to cigarette smoking"

Cancer Research UK
"Snuff seems an entirely acceptable substitute for smoking and could be recommended for addicted smokers because, if they could substitute snuff-taking for smoking, they would greatly reduce the risk to their health"

The Lancet
"Switching from cigarettes to snuff could have enormous health benefits"

Cancer Research UK
"Studies show that the health hazards surrounding snuff are much less than cigarettes and the risk is approximately one per cent compared with the risks associated with smoking"

The British Medical Journal
"Switching from cigarettes to snuff could have enormous health benefits.... the absence of tar and gases such as carbon monoxide, oxides of nitrogen, and many other toxic com bustion products, would virtually eliminate smoking-related cancer, bronchitis, and possibly heart disease. Also, snuff does not contaminate the atmosphere for non-users

The Lancet
"Snuff could save more lives and avoid more ill-health than any other preventive measure likely to be available to developed nations well into the 21st century"

Cancer Research UK
By smoking you are setting fire to the products which causes their combustion. Snuff doesnt have the combustion products which are carcinogenic and all the user is getting is the nicotine."

[lxskllr]

Tell her you'll quit tobacco if she quits bitching. After 1 bitch free year, you'll completely quit tobacco. Every bitch will add 1 year of tobacco use onto that. You can't lose ;^)

If she bitches about the unequal terms, mention that ceasing bitching only requires control of one's body. Nicotine addiction is much harder to quit, and therefore deserves a longer period of time.

[cstokes4]

After reading this, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world (as if I didn't have enough reason already). I started snusing again a few weeks back. Well... my Getsnus box arrived at my house, which my Fiance was at, so I asked her to grab the box and bring it to her house where I was going. She opened it in the meantime. I was a 2 can a day dipper when we first met, over that time I quit the dip and went to snuff, and now I am on snus and snuff. She doesn't seem to care if I snuff or snus, but I believe that is because of the harm reduction. I tell her about all of the research and documentation, and she is okay with it. She does hate the dip though, as the side effects of that one are no good.

Don't know what to tell you, Lazer. It's kind of difficult to suggest anything.

[sheilalynn]

Gonna have to keep your snuff under lock and key or risk finding it all dumped out on you someplace!

I do agree with the whole "I'm an adult and can do as I like if it doesn't hurt anyone else" way of thinking and do agree also that she's being a little out of line with the 2 portions and no snuff rule. My husband never told me how many cigs I could have a day and he sure doesn't tell me how much I can snus/snuff every day either.

I'd try the education route first and even go so far as to find things on the benefits of nicotine. If that doesn't work, then I would tell her that it's fine if she can live without nicotine, but you can't. Snus and snuff is such a low-cost way of using it (especially snuff) that I really can't see why there should be a problem with it costwise.

Good luck in however you handle this!

[Karanya]

This whole situation reminds me of my father-in-law, who really managed to piss me off by telling my mother-in-law that she couldn't have a second cookie. I don't care much for my mother-in-law, either, but that was just... ugh!

Anyway, that made me think a bit. Perhaps you should demonstrate to your fiance just how ridiculous her behavior is by telling her she must limit her intake of some food or drink she enjoys but is unhealthy ... "But it's for your own good!" When she objects, you can then point out that it's no different than her "two non-stark portions a day and no snuff" baloney.

Like someone else said, reading this does make me appreciate my husband even more than usual. I worried he might object to my use of lös or snuff, but he doesn't mind a bit. He did ask that I make sure I don't have any floating tobacco bits in my mouth if I've been lössing and kiss him, however :wink:

--K

[LaZeR]

Tell her you'll quit tobacco if she quits bitching. After 1 bitch free year, you'll completely quit tobacco. Every bitch will add 1 year of tobacco use onto that. You can't lose ;^)

If she bitches about the unequal terms, mention that ceasing bitching only requires control of one's body. Nicotine addiction is much harder to quit, and therefore deserves a longer period of time.

:lol: :lol: :lol: I like your angle on this except I would likely OD on nicotine following this rule.

Seriously though, thanks to everyone for the support and understanding in appreciating my frustration with this. I actually got to put in a portion tonight whilst sitting with her on the couch watching a movie. I asked for her approval first. As far as the snuff, I will just do that on my own time and keep it away from her for now as promised. Yea I imagine after the wedding day, I will have to invest in a nice chest with lock and key :roll: :lol:

Oh I did find out another thing this evening. It is that 'magical' time of the month which unfortunately for me, pretty much coincided with my first order of snuff and the breaking of the news. ops: