Apologies in advance all... this will be an emotional post.
I am currently with my mom and sister in Washington state to visit my dying grandfather. He has lung cancer, not from smoking, but from being a house painter when he first immigrated to the US from the Czech Republic after the commies invaded post-WWII. He means the world to me, as I have always been his favorite grandson, and he has always been my favorite grandfather. It's the first time I have ever had to say goodbye to someone this close to me, and it is... hard. My mom, her sister's husband, and I somehow maintained a stiff upper lip in their living room today, while everyone else sort of broke down. Thing is he is in no pain, and was probably the happiest of anyone there.
One of my only comforts has paradoxically enough been my snus. I took a can of Ettan WP and Oden's Original with me - my two absolute favorite snuses - and perplexingly enough, the tobacco has been a comfort. I was telling them all about my recent engagement to my fiancee, forcing a smile, and my portion almost slipped out from the tears in the back of my throat. This would have been bad, as none of them know I snus, but I held it down...
I had to fight the temptation afterwards to just go to a local bar and drink until I couldn't feel feelings, but I knew I would regret it. So here I am, alone, in my room with my grief and my snus. It is strange but it is actually helping.
So I guess this post is just a shout out to PP and Chad and whoever else's going through some shit right now. It's gotta get better eventually, and this forum is a good escape. Hope you all are holding down the fort.
I am currently with my mom and sister in Washington state to visit my dying grandfather. He has lung cancer, not from smoking, but from being a house painter when he first immigrated to the US from the Czech Republic after the commies invaded post-WWII. He means the world to me, as I have always been his favorite grandson, and he has always been my favorite grandfather. It's the first time I have ever had to say goodbye to someone this close to me, and it is... hard. My mom, her sister's husband, and I somehow maintained a stiff upper lip in their living room today, while everyone else sort of broke down. Thing is he is in no pain, and was probably the happiest of anyone there.
One of my only comforts has paradoxically enough been my snus. I took a can of Ettan WP and Oden's Original with me - my two absolute favorite snuses - and perplexingly enough, the tobacco has been a comfort. I was telling them all about my recent engagement to my fiancee, forcing a smile, and my portion almost slipped out from the tears in the back of my throat. This would have been bad, as none of them know I snus, but I held it down...
I had to fight the temptation afterwards to just go to a local bar and drink until I couldn't feel feelings, but I knew I would regret it. So here I am, alone, in my room with my grief and my snus. It is strange but it is actually helping.
So I guess this post is just a shout out to PP and Chad and whoever else's going through some shit right now. It's gotta get better eventually, and this forum is a good escape. Hope you all are holding down the fort.
)
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