My Vent

[Grim]

This is for anyone willing to read, i just had to vent.

Earlier this year my life was going semi-great.

I had a high paying job as a restaraunt manager, my employees loved me and we had a great time with record labor percentages and food costs. It was great.

Then one day the owner shut it down and i was out of a job like that.

I then found snus and school. I am going for Mechanical Drafting and my wife just got into the radiology program which selects students by grades.

However, with a dark cloud on the horizon my life is headed toward the rock bottom.

She will have clinicals lasting 12 hours a day, i have to stay a full tme student for my state grant to pay for it and at some point ill have to get a job and so will she. We have no clue how we are going to achieve that balance and my parent swill not allow us to move in with them,

My dog just hurt its back very seriously. Our dog is like our child. We got it the same year we got married and she may become paralyzed because of two slipped discs.

Our only option then is to carry here to auburn for surgery which is gonna cost about 1500-3000 bucks.

Im noticed ive been drinking way too much. At least a 6 pack a day and my studies have been slipping.

I have always wanted to play poker professionally and my riends will atest that i can and im a great plaer. So i cashed my stocks out to try and do so.

I lost 1200 bucks in a week on just bad runs and hands when i was a 4-1 favorite i lost. Just brutal.

Then all this happened and i now have only 700 bucks left with little to no hope with finishing school because ill have to get a full time job, our dog is very sick/hurt and needs medical attention, and my anxiety and panic attacks are worse than ever.

I can not afford to go to the doctor and get my xanax perscription filled. I cant even sleep at night. Ive been getting only 3-4 hours a night, if that. When i lie down my mind starts wondering and panic sets in and it feels like im having a heart attack and i cant breath at akll.

Its so bad that when i lie down i just cant breathe at all. I have to sleep on the couch almost sitting straight up.

I just had to vent in words somewhere and this seemed like the best place. Sorry its so long and whiney, its just been a tuff couple of months and will be a while before i seee the light at the end of the tunnel, if i even make it that far.

[lxskllr]

I'm sorry to hear of your problems Grim :^( Things always get better, then worse again :^/, at least you can count on change. Just hang in there, and life will start looking up eventually. Take care

[bmwgsa]

Sorry to hear about your problems, just know that things will turn around.

I went thru a 4 year bad spell, and things are finally starting to look up - you just have to keep pushing on and believe in youself and your family.

[captncaveman]

I found my self in a similar position about 3 years ago. I got hurt working on an oil rig, we had a new rough neck and a new lease hand. Both were not very strong (physically and mentally). I took it upon myself to help them out.

one night they were trying to move and organize the pipe. But they couldn't roll them, i helped out. They both were frustrated and well i put myself in a bad spot long story short they rolled 2 lengths of heavy weight on my knees.

i lost my job, lost my house, lost my new truck, and for close to 2 years lost the functionality of both my legs. But did get an education (from a grant), and my wife stuck with me.

I had 1 kid and my wife was pregnant, my parents couldn't help us nor hers. i thought we were ****ed.

I had to man up, quit drinking and concentrated on my school work. I couldn't sleep at all. But i utilized my time awake studying and the most important part took care of my self. I would stop worrying man, shit works out. But there will be a great deal of sacrifice.

This will also be the strongest test for your marriage. So try to stay relaxed and not worry as much.

[Dead Rabbit]

Have you thought about joining the militery reserves? Navy Sea Bea Reserve will give you 20,000 grand tax free bonus, se, you could get G.I. Bill, VA loan. Just an idea, as old Uncle Sam has saved my ass before.

[Starcadia]

That sounds rough, Grim. Hard for me to sit here and say good luck, although that's what I'm wishing for you.

I call 2005 my "lost year". Lots of people have their own version, where things suck so bad you basically lose a portion of your life. All I can say is that although it was "lost", it was the year I really found myself. I was 32. There's a whole lot to be learned in that "place" that you simply can't learn elsewhere.

Definitely fix your dog up ASAP. Otherwise you might very strongly regret in the future not being able to do so because of booze and gambling. Who knows, maybe the vet will make a deal with you.

[sagedil]

Grim, just hang in.

If you have read my many posts, you know these past 18 months have been the hardest time of my life. I lost almost everything I once cared about. But you survive, and in surviving, you find your soul again.

Most important thing you can do right now is just take care of your wife. If you don't have much time together, then make what you have great. Focus on taking care of her, it will get your mind a bit off of yourself.

And Grim, if your drinking is interfering with your relationship with her, fix it!!. iIf not, don't stress it

[datadawg]

I know all to well how panic attacks are crippling, I haven't left my flat for two weeks because of them. So I feel your pain. And I know poverty all too well when I was younger.

Have you tried social services? Don't groan I know it can be painfully embarrassing to need to ask for help. But by god you seem to need it genuinely and that's what they are there for.

Medicaid would help you get the much needed prescriptions and care. And food stamps which aren't stamps anymore, they are normally in debit card for now. I am sure you could use those? and some states have rental assistance. Don't let your pride get in the way of your needs, I never did and now pay into those services with taxes so that people in need can get help when they need it. Like I said I have used services in the past.

And call your local humane society and they should have numbers for animal charities that sponsor clinics. When I have more time I would be willing to research to see what i can find.

Just for the love of god don't tell any of them about the 1200 gamble.

I wish I had the money to help out but my boyfriend would have a cow. I am so sorry that this flood of bad crap is washing over you.