The 10 Worst Products For Men Ever Created

[wa3zrm]

While much has been said about the way advertisers have always hawked their products to women by playing on their insecurities, men have not been immune from similar pitches. While they may worry less about crow’s feet than ladies do, there are still some things that make men feel insecure. Hoping to capitalize on these insecurities, some downright wacky products have been sold.
Here are the top 10 worst products ever made for men:
Products for Hair Loss

The telltale signs of shedding hair in the sink can worry even the most self-assured of men. Companies have long recognized this and marketed hundreds of different products to stop, slow, or cover thinning hair. From hair plugs to toupees, none of them truly achieved the desired effect. Here are some of the worst hair loss products ever invented:
Hair in an Aerosol Can


The “spray” from this can is actually made of tiny fibers that stick to your head and hair. Just spray it all over and-poof!-thinning hair is thick and full and bald spots are gone.
The idea behind the spray is to help insecure balding men feel more confident. But can there be anything more confidence-sapping than having to worry that a spontaneous swim, rainstorm, or excessive sweating will melt your hair off?
Crosely Xervac Head Vacuum


This large device (which you could rent for home use) operated on the principle that sucking more blood into your scalp area would make hair grow healthy and strong and prevent it from falling out. A hose attached to a skull cap surrounded your head with suction power. This reminds me of Garth using the Suck-Cut on Wayne‘s World. “It’s sucking my will to live, man!”
Chest Hair Toupee

While some men shave or laser their chest to achieve a smooth, hairless look, other, naturally smooth chested men, pine for a manly carpet of chair. For these men, the chest hair toupee was invented. Available in black, brown, or gray, these chest pieces are made of real human hair. How do you even apply this thing? Glue? Tape? At any rate it is perfect for its target audience: middle-age men who like to wear halfway unbuttoned Hawaiian shirts and yet are lacking the tuft of hair sticking out that is necessary to complement their gold chain necklaces.

[wa3zrm]

Products for the Prostate

Another area in which many men feel insecure is their sexual prowess. Some of the wackiest inventions ever made were designed to help the male libido.
The Prostate Warmer

Invented in 1918, this device promised to “stimulate the abdominal brain!” (I am not sure what that is, although men have long been accused of thinking with it). The device consisted of a 4.25 inch probe which was plugged into the wall and then inserted into the rectum. When plugged in, a blue light bulb lit up to tell you it was working to restore your manly vitality. Brings new meaning to the phrase “blue light special.”
Radioactive Jockstrap

Radioactive materials were once thought to impart healing and vitalizing powers to people. Radium was infused into drinking water, baths, and even suppositories. Perhaps the scariest way it was administered was through a radioactive jockstrap for men. ”Weak Discouraged Men!” one advertisement proclaimed. ”Now Bubble Over with Joyous Vitality Through the Use of Glands and Radium.” Joyous Vitality�..and glow in the dark junk.
Recto Rotor

This dilator promised to cure “piles, constipation, and prostrate problems.” It was designed to break up, your, um, “piles” and to lubricate the rectum. The tip had holes in it through which ointment could be released. How it was supposed to cure your prostate problems can only be imagined. But with a motto like “large enough to be efficient, small enough for anyone over 15 years old,” how could you go wrong?
Heidelberg Electric Belt

In the early 1900′s many people believed they were suffering from “neurasthenia,” a disease cause by modernization and over-stimulation. This “sickness” produced a wide variety of symptoms from depression to impotency to fatigue. The Heidelberg electric belt, touted as a cure, sent electricity to your genitals and promised to restore your vitality and strength. Ouch.
Anti-Self Pollution Devices

During the 1800′s and early 1900′s, extreme measures were recommended to control the sexual libido of young men. Several devices were invented to prevent men from masturbating. Here at the Art of Manliness we support self-discipline and harnessing the male libido, but genital mutilation is definitely not the way to do it.
Spike lined ring


This device was aimed not only at preventing masturbation, but nocturnal emissions as well. Young men would tie this ring of death around their member, and whenever they became aroused, the spikes would sink into their flesh, causing excruciating pain.

[wa3zrm]

Spermatic Truss

The spermatic truss, patented in 1876, was designed to make erections impossible by binding the genitalia down. 21 years later, the designer changed the truss a bit, making erections possible. The only downside? An erection would now drive the genitalia against painful spikes.


The Timely Warning

Invented by Frank Orth in 1893, The Timely Warning was a penis cooling apparatus designed to prevent wet dreams. A man would attach the device to his penis before he went to bed. When an erection occurred during the night, levers opened to allow cold water to flow through tubes around the genitalia. This cooled “the organ of generation, so that the erection subsides and no discharge occurs.” Basically, it was like taking a cold shower, but without the shower

[wa3zrm]

13 More of the Worst Products for Men Ever Created

One of AoM’s earliest and strangely most popular posts (people just pretend to like our serious stuff-they really want to know more about chest hair toupees) was a post we wrote called the 10 Worst Products for Men Ever Created. Since people had so much fun checking out the wacky products of yesteryear, we decided to look back into the archives to find some more hilarious and quite questionable inventions that were sold to men. The funny thing about these products is that most are advertised with a money back guarantee. It makes me wonder how these companies ever made money.

Enjoy.

A New Kind of Hat

Not only does this hat help you grow hair, it is also protects your brain from mind control. The Allied Merke Institute definiely should have invested more in their marketing department. They couldn’t even come up with a name for this thing except for “invention” and “new kind of hat.”

Glow-in-the-dark Kiss Me Tie

Do you often find yourself in the pitch black darkness? While wearing a tie? With a woman who will do whatever your tie tells her to? Well, sir, do I have the tie for you! If this tie doesn’t float your boat, the company also makes another equally suave design:

Glow-in-the-dark Striptease Tie

This is the mullet of neckties. Business during the day and a party at night.

[wa3zrm]

The Dila-Therm

Prostatitis is the inflammation of the prostate gland and can cause your man junk to really hurt. But in the case of the Dila-Therm, the cure may be worse than the disease.

Carbo-Magno

What’s cooler than wearing a hat? Wearing a hat that can rehair your head of course!

The Lantz Supporter

The man can come back, both he’s apt to run screaming if he gets sight of this baby. Who knew that wearing a jockstrap or “suspensory,” could add two decades to your life? And someone better tell those male underwear models to stop stuffing; what they really want is a “refined appearance.”
Model 25 Nose Shaper

Why waste thousands of dollars on a rhinoplasty when you can simply smoosh your nose into submission. The ads says you can wear it day or night, but the former is only true if you’re Boo Radley.

[wa3zrm]

Squirrel Lamp

Every man is looking for a cool, inexpensive hobby. Well sir, have you considered combining your passion for arts and crafts, your love for varmint hunting, and an interest in taxidermy? It will forever solve the problem of what to get your loved ones for the holidays. Mom? She’ll go nuts for a squirrel lamp. Dad? A frog-cum-ashtray is right up his alley.
Float-ees Swim Trunks

Making it to adulthood without learning to swim can be quite embarrassing for a man. You can’t very well put on some swimmies or a rubber ducky inner-tube. Float-ees is the solution! But make sure no one sees you blowing them up; they might give you a real funny look.

Paste-on Facial Hair

All men long to grow a manly mustache or sideburns. But it takes so damn long and wouldn’t you like to be able to wear some sideburns to work and then attach a cool handlebar mustache for your date that night? And sometimes you just want to rock the Satan Van Dyke. Choose your own adventure? Nah. Choose your own facial hair.

Fleischmann’s Yeast Acne Cure

There’s no beating around the bush here. No making you feel better because Puff Daddy breaks out too. But when you have a product that both clears up acne and makes bread rise, you’ve got to get your message out to the masses.

[wa3zrm]

Weil Belt

You’ve probably knew these kinds of belts were sold to women, but they were apparently pitched to men as well. Surprising, but what was a man to do when strenuous exercise was “liable to strain your heart?” Unfortunately, no one had yet invented a cure for enormous striped underpants.

The Perfect Breather

What do you think are the causes of an early grave? Fatty foods, smoking, lack of exercise? Nope, it’s mouth breathing! So cut it out already! Not only will it permanently solve your snoring, it’s a final solution for pretty much every problem you’re having. Is it me, but does the guy in the ad eerily look like Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction?

[Snusdog]

Bullshit......I know better than to stick a hot poker up my own ass.........Instead.....it is hallmark and valentine's day that are the worst inventions ever created for men

$4000 dollars later.....and the best I can do is break even....and for what....a national holiday....a celebration of our common freedom...........some festival of religious significance.........NO!.......just a damn day I damn well better not forget or their will be hell to pay......and for what.......nothing

Hallmark/Valentines day......the worst things ever to happen to man

[Crow]

............ and I thought I was high .............

(Excerpt) Read more at http://tinyurl.com/cawcawmahfs

[wa3zrm]

BLAME CROW FOR ME FINDING THIS!!!

[wa3zrm]

THIS ONE TOO...

[WickedKitchen]

Imagine if someone went back in time and showed the world today's Fleshlight.

Perhaps we wouldn't be here today.

[Frosted]

Wa3zrm.......where do you get this stuff? If I was in the NSA I'd be utterly fascinated with your search results.

[Frankie Reloaded]

Bullshit......I know better than to stick a hot poker up my own ass...

I thought I knew that, too... then I had this superb chili this morning... It did seem like a good idea at the time