That ZeFrank1 guy is funny. He's made a ton of films. I like the "Sad Cat Diary".
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Noah's Ark in Today's Society!
Noah's Ark in Today's Society...
The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole Earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the Earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud formed and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'
Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the Earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......
I've been wrong lots of times. Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.
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SEX AT 78
I'm so happy, because I live atI just took a
leaflet out of my mailbox,
informing me that I can
have sex at 78.
number 76.
So it's not too far to walk home
afterwards.
And
it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have
to cross the road!Comment
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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......
I've been wrong lots of times. Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.
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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying......
I've been wrong lots of times. Lots of times I've thought I was wrong only to find out that I was right in the beginning.
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Since PP has not been around for awhile, I thought I would post this as I know he would get a kick out of it:
Queen City Sausage Sets out to Break own Bierwurst Record
WLWT ^ |
Dozens drop by to watch, have some sausage
The record for the longest bierwurst sausage already set last year will be broken by Queen City Sausage, the same folks who set it last year.
Dozens of people came down to Fountain Square around lunch time to witness the record-breaking attempt. The old record of 200 feet, set last year, was upped by 50 feet on Monday.
The smell of bierwurst was intoxicating to the Queen City faithful, like Wanda Cheatham.
Photos: Sausage on Ft. Square
"I buy them every month. Not even every month, every time I get some money. I'm buying either a hot mett or a hot brat. They're good. I wouldn't have it any other way. Queen City is the Queen City,” Cheatham said.
And we found out today that the same rings true, even for those new to the Tri-State, like Robin Holmes, who just relocated from South Carolina.
"It's actually delicious. I'm not a big sausage fan myself, but when I saw the line and I saw it on the news this morning, I said 'This is something I want to experience.' So we came in yesterday and this is just all brand new to me. So it's really good,” Holmes said.
The bierwurst sausages are made with Hudepohl 14K beer, a blend that organizers say is one of a kind.
"It just makes a great, delicious sausage when you put a little bit of that beer in there and you cook it. The alcohol kind of seeps out of there but it leaves a great flavor,” said Mick Noll with Queen City Sausage.
This world record attempt is the kick off to the big Queen City Sausage Festival that will take place starting on Friday at Newport on the Levee.If you have any problems with my posts or signature
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Subject: 9 Points to Ponder
Number 9- Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Number 8- Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7-Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6-Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
Number 5-Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks,months, maybe years.
Number 4- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lyingin the hospital, dying of nothing.
Number 3-All of us could take a lesson from the weather. Itpays no attention to criticism.
Number 2-In the 60's, people took acid to make the worldweird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Number 1-Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you dotoday might burn your ass tomorrow.
...and as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.Comment
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Once upon a time, a prince asked a beautiful princess, "Will you marry me?"
The princess immediately said, "No!"
And the prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whisky, beer and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and always left the toilet seat up.
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GOLF IS A GAME OF DEDICATION AND FOCUS
It was later reported that his wife got out safely, and that he did indeed par the hole.
He says the divorce isn't going to be that bad, now that there's no house involved.Comment
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All excellent points! All that's missing is, "life's a bitch and then you die."Originally posted by Burnsey View PostIf you have any problems with my posts or signature
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Is this a great country or what?
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Landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many of us former executives with no skills.
I lasted less than a day ……
Started at 8 o’clock and about 11, a very loud, decidedly unattractive woman walked into
the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly,
"Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be ****ing stupid. Of course they aren't twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam.. I just couldn't believe someone XXXked you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."
My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.Comment
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