My Journey......Mrs. Butterworth, 128 years of hard waffles

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[Burnsey]

God Loves Drunk People Too



A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.



"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.



"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's
pouring with rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months
ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped
us? I think you should help him,
and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves
drunk people too you know."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes
out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still
there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the
husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replies the drunk.

[Burnsey]

An Irishman is an avid golfer, but has never had a hole-in-one.



One day on lucky hole #13, he finally makes his first hole-in-one.



Immediately, a leprechaun leaps into view and congratulates him.



The leprechaun says, "For this hole-in-one, I will grant ye' one wish."



The Irishman replies, "Can ye' make me _____ a wee bit longer."



"Done" says the leprechaun.



By the 14th hole the Irishman can tell something is happening.



By 15 it is noticeably different and beginning to strain his shorts.



By 16 it is now becoming uncomfortable.



By 17 it now hangs just below the leg of his shorts.



By 18 it is now dragging on the ground.



After completing his round the Irishman drags himself to the pro shop.



He explains what has happened to the golf pro and asks what can be done.



The golf pro tells him he must make another hole-in-one on 13 to get the leprechaun back.



The Irishman takes 2 buckets of range balls to 13 and begins hitting.



After nearly both buckets are gone he finally makes another hole-in-one.



The leprechaun springs into view and congratulates him.



The leprechaun says, "For this hole-in-one, I will grant ye' one wish."



The Irishman replies, "Can ye' make me legs just a wee bit longer."

[wa3zrm]

DID YOU HEAR THE BAD NEWS???
U.S. Cattle Futures Slide Limit-Down, Sending Hog Prices Sharply Lower

...Live-cattle futures for December fell 3 cents, or 2.3%, to $1.27675 a pound, after declining 3.1% over the past week on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. Cattle futures for February were also limit-down, dropping 2.3% to $1.2965 a pound. Feeder-cattle futures for November fell 2.775 cents to $1.7230 a pound. Other feeder-cattle futures were limit-down...
...December lean hogs fell 3 cents, or 5.5%, to 51.80 cents a pound, a fresh six-year low...

(Excerpt) Read more at nasdaq.com ...

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ya might have to refresh the page if it ain't movin




not a political statement at all. just thought it was funny........

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This is so touching. Its also what I need for xmas.........

[wa3zrm]

[Snusdog]

My favorite

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somewhat nsfw


those were the days........

[Burnsey]

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Baptist minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: March 21, 2012
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!

[Burnsey]

[Burnsey]

Subject: IRS --Yes--True ?

This story is said to be true: IRS actually commented on this one.
Something to ponder ...... but, still worth a broad Smile !

Amazing, but true, if you think about it, and it shows the importance of accuracy in your tax return.

The IRS has returned the Tax Return to a man in New Jersey after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly. In response to the question, ... "Do you have anyone dependent on you ?"

The man wrote: ... "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads,4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Washington and the entire group that call themselves "Politicians".

The IRS stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.

The man's response back was, ... "Who did I leave out ?"