My Journey......Mrs. Butterworth, 128 years of hard waffles

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A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

[lxskllr]

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A 50ish woman is home, NAKED, happily jumping on her bed & squealing with delight. Husband watches & asks "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed & says, "I don't care what you think. I just had a mammogram, & the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year old." The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year-old ass?" "Your name never came up," she replied

[precious007]

i don't care what you think. I just had a mammogram, & the doctor says that not only am i healthy, but i have the breasts of an 18 year old." the husband replies, "what did he say about your 55-year-old ass?" "your name never came up," she replied

lmaaooo!

[Crow]

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

I must have missed that one when you posted it, but it sure made my night.

[kevs]

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.

The instructions were:
The short story had to contain the following three things:

(1) Religion
(2) Sexuality
(3) Mystery

Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class.

"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it."

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The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him…


GOV'T AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

RANCHER: "Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

GOV'T AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to . . . the mentally challenged one."

RANCHER:"That would be me."

[resnor]

LMAO! LX, WTF was that video? Hahahaaa

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Another email from my doctor...........


This is straight forward country thinking... Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:


1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
You may be a Muslim

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You may be a Muslim

3. You have more wives than teeth.
You may be a Muslim

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.
You may be a Muslim

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
You may be a Muslim

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You may be a Muslim

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You may be a Muslim

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
You may be a Muslim

10. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it.
You may be a Muslim

[wa3zrm]

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If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy.

[lxskllr]

Happy Holidays!

[pris]

LOL :-) That's closes the case on what to do with that.

[EricHill78]

PP a cartoon for you!

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