My Journey......Mrs. Butterworth, 128 years of hard waffles

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If you love dogs and have or had one, this is worth every minute of
you time. Even if you don't like dogs as pets, please read.

They told me the big black Lab's name was Reggie, as I looked at him
lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people
really friendly.

I'd only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the
small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves
when you pass them on the street.

But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new
life here, and I thought a dog couldn't hurt. Give me someone to talk
to. And I had just seen Reggie's advertisement on the local news. The
shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they
said the people who had come down to see him just didn't look like
"Lab people," whatever that meant. They must've thought I did.

But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me
Reggie and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys
almost all of which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes and a
sealed letter from his previous owner.

See, Reggie and I didn't really hit it off when we got home. We
struggled for two weeks (which is how long the shelter told me to give
him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was the fact that I was
trying to adjust, too. Maybe we were too much alike.

I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten about that.
"Okay, Reggie," I said out loud, "let's see if your previous owner has
any advice."

__________ _________ _________ _________

To Whomever Gets My Dog:

Well, I can't say that I'm happy you're reading this, a letter I told
the shelter could only be opened by Reggie's new owner. I'm not even
happy writing it. He knew something was different.

So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you
bond with him and he with you.

First, he loves tennis balls. The more the merrier. Sometimes I think
he's part squirrel, the way he hoards them. He usually always has two
in his mouth, and he tries to get a third in there. Hasn't done it
yet. Doesn't matter where you throw them, he'll bound after them, so
be careful. Don't do it by any roads.

Next, commands. Reggie knows the obvious ones ---"sit," "stay," "come," "heel."

He knows hand signals, too: He knows "ball" and "food" and "bone" and
"treat" like nobody's business.

Feeding schedule: twice a day, regular store-bought stuff; the shelter
has the brand.

He's up on his shots. Be forewarned: Reggie hates the vet. Good luck
getting him in the car. I don't know how he knows when it's time to go
to the vet, but he knows.

Finally, give him some time. It's only been Reggie and me for his
whole life. He's gone everywhere with me, so please include him on
your daily car rides if you can. He sits well in the backseat, and he
doesn't bark or complain. He just loves to be around people, and me
most especially.

And that's why I need to share one more bit of info with you...His
name's not Reggie. He's a smart dog, he'll get used to it and will
respond to it, of that I have no doubt. But I just couldn't bear to
give them his real name. But if someone is reading this ... well it
means that his new owner should know his real name. His real name is
"Tank." Because, that is what I drive.

I told the shelter that they couldn't make "Reggie" available for
adoption until they received word from my company commander. You see,
my parents are gone, I have no siblings, no one I could've left Tank
with ... and it was my only real request of the Army upon my
deployment to Iraq, that they make one phone call to the shelter ...
in the "event" ... to tell them that Tank could be put up for
adoption. Luckily, my CO is a dog-guy, too, and he knew where my
platoon was headed. He said he'd do it personally. And if you're
reading this, then he made good on his word.

Tank has been my family for the last six years, almost as long as the
Army has been my family. And now I hope and pray that you make him
part of your family, too, and that he will adjust and come to love you
the same way he loved me.

If I have to give up Tank to keep those terrible people from coming to
the US I am glad to have done so. He is my example of service and of
love. I hope I honored him by my service to my country and comrades.

All right, that's enough. I deploy this evening and have to drop this
letter off at the shelter. Maybe I'll peek in on him and see if he
finally got that third tennis ball in his mouth.

Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss
goodnight - every night - from me.

Thank you,

Paul Mallory

___________ _________ _________ _______

I folded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope. Sure, I had
heard of Paul Mallory, everyone in town knew him, even new people like
me. Local kid, killed in Iraq a few months ago and posthumously
earning the Silver Star when he gave his life to save three buddies.
Flags have been at half-mast all summer.

I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring
at the dog.

"Hey, Tank," I said quietly.

The dog's head whipped up, his ears cocked and his eyes bright.

"C'mere boy."

He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood
floor. He sat in front of me, his head tilted, searching for the name
he hadn't heard in months. "Tank," I whispered.

His tail swished.

I kept whispering his name, over and over, and each time, his ears
lowered, his eyes softened, and his posture relaxed as a wave of
contentment just seemed to flood him. I stroked his ears, rubbed his
shoulders, buried my face into his scruff and hugged him.

"It's me now, Tank, just you and me. Your old pal gave you to me."
Tank reached up and licked my cheek.

"So whatdaya say we play some ball?" His ears perked again.

"Yeah? Ball? You like that? Ball?"

Tank tore from my hands and disappeared into the next room. And when
he came back, he had three tennis balls in his mouth.

If you can read this without getting a lump in your throat or a tear
in your eye, you just ain't right.

A veteran is someone who, at one point, wrote a blank check made
payable to 'The United States of America' for an amount of 'up to
and including their life.'

That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who
no longer understand it.

"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him,
but because he loves what is behind him."
G. K. Chesterton


"When you change the way you see things, the things you see change".

[sgreger1]

A lovely engaged catholic couple are driving on a country road together one day, when the car veers off the road and into a ravine. They both die upon impact. They reach the pearly gates together and when they see St. Peter they ask, "St. Peter, we are so SAD! We are Catholic and were engaged in life and now we're dead. Since this is Heaven, is there any way we can be married here?" St. Peter thinks and says, "You know, that's a good question. But you'll have to wait here while I check to make sure." So St. Peter enters the gates to find the answer. Well, he's gone for quite a while, and the couple get to talking. "You know, marriage in Heaven isn't like marriage on Earth. There IS not DEATH do us part. This is eternal and that's a hella long time." So after this very long absence, St. Peter returns. He says, "Got your answer and good news! Yes! You can be married in Heaven." So then the couple asks, "What if it doesn't work out? Can we get divorced?" St. Peter looks at them and says, "Are you KIDDING ME?!? You SAW how long it took me to find a PRIEST up here. Now you want me to try to find a LAWYER?!?"

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lmao. excellent


Mrs. Butterworth would be proud

[sgreger1]

So this 80 year old man goes to the doctor for his yearly check up. "How are you feeling?" asks the Doctor.
"Great!" says the man, "I'm 80 years old, I have a beautiful 18 year old wife, and even better, she's pregnant!"
"I have this friend," said the doctor, "he loves to hunt, but his eye sight isn't so good. One day, on his way out to hunt, he mistakenly grabs his umbrella instead of his rifle and heads out the door. Soon enough he's walking through the forest and he comes across a bear. He frantically grabs the umbrella, points it at the bear, and grabs the handle...and you know what happened?
"No" says the old man.
"Well, that bear dropped dead." replied the doctor.
"Impossible!" says the man, "Someone else must have shot the bear!"
"Well, that's kind of what I was getting at..." says the doctor.

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Proverb endings from 1st graders

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! 1. Don't change horses until they stop running. 2. Strike while the bug is close. 3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time. 4. Never underestimate the power of termites. 5. You can lead a horse to water but how? 6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty. 7. No news is impossible. 8. A miss is as good as a Mr. 9. You can't teach an old dog new math. 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning. 11. Love all, trust me. 12. The pen is mightier than the pigs. 13. An idle mind is the best way to relax. 14. Where there's smoke there's pollution. 15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents. 16. A penny saved is not much. 17. Two's company, three's the Musketeers. 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed. 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose. 20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder. 21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded. 22. If at first you don't succeed get new batteries. 23. You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box. 24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way. 25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you. And the WINNER and last one! 26. Better late than pregnant. "When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra."

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Political Flow Chart

Right or left doesn't matter. It is really up or down in politics



When top level people look down, they see only shitheads;

When the bottom level people look up, they see only assholes.

You will Never see another Flow Chart that describes politics so clearly.

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now that theres funny

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TWO OLD GUYS


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have
so much energy. The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."

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Crap another nile virus to worry about I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965 ...... Symptoms: 1.. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that!) 2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail! (That too!) 3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person. (yep!) 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (Ah-ha!) 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that!) 6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. (Oh, no not again!) 7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND". (Hate that!) 8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." (Oh No!) IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

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Too Cool

: Your brain develops the Negative... I couldn't believe it, definitely didn't expect to see what I saw. (not a trick or a scare)

click on it

[CoderGuy]

Broken image, you piqued my curiosity now.