Hmmm

[CM]

Maybe we need a "best crapping story" thread. Here's mine:

When I was a kid about 5 years old I would always play outside with my GI Joes and little plastic army soldiers. I liked to build foxholes and pretend battle with my toys and friends. I always got muddy and dirty digging and playing in the dirt. Mom used to really get mad if I came in the house dirty and muddy. So one day I was really muddy and I had to go #2 real bad. I could imagine Mom yelling at me if I went in the house. Couldn't figure out what to do, and then it hit me. I took a dump right on the porch in front of the front door. And then I went back to playing. I still hear about it to this day.

Playing war, as we said it in our little group, it was totally awesome, god how I miss those times. "PAM!PAM! YOU'RE DEAD" *"enemy still runs", I start to cry "YOU'RE CHEATING". lol :lol:

[ctimb2002]

Yeah but this one has a poor excuse for a title mr x...I mean cmon Hmmm...really is that the best you can do? I think not..."I shit my pants today" is perhaps the perfect thread title. This has the substance but lacks the attention getter...i give it a c+ at best...And oh yea before I forget...sage is a post whore...that is all.

[VBSnus]

My worst was when I was 15. My friends and I went over to this guy's house and got stoned out of our minds.

I don't know what was in that stuff, but at some point I had. to. take. a. SHIT. Like in a mean way. The guy there wouldn't let me use his house because he said his mom would get mad. I lived about a mile away and couldn't make it in time, plus my step-dad would have known.

So what did I do? I went beside his house and shat on a tree. I wiped my ass with leaves from said tree.

After I was done I walked out looking like a million bucks. At some point I sat in our host's girlfriend's car...and puked all over it.

I never did get invited back.

True story.

[Ainkor]

Be prepaired for the ultimate in shitting stories. In fact, I suggest you grab some popcorn and a beer and hunker down for the tale of all tails....


Ok, so it's not that epic, I just wanted to hype it some but here goes!

We moved to NC about 3 years ago. On the last day of our trip down here from the great state of Minnesota started around the Ohio border. We drove that last day for over 19 hours and we were dead tired by the time we got to our new town.

Some interesting facts about our new home:

1. We only had an address. We didn't know where we lived!?! A person from my new job found the place and we rented it over the phone :P

2. It's around the smokey mountains so its freaking hilly, for some reason that didn't even cross our minds as we got ready to move.

3. We had a full 24 foot moving truck pulling my car and my wife followed in her car so we were both dog ass tired.

4. Our house is up the side of a mountain, on a 1 lane road, and its a 160 degree turn to get into our driveway.

5. Utility companies in the great state of North Carolina totally turn off all utilities (power and water) after a person moves out.

6. The Wendy's from a really nasty restauarant somewhere in Tennesee was coming back up, or out.

7. My kids were bugging the hell out of me.

Ok, so we pull up to the house after miraculously finding it at 3am, in the pitch dark by driving around town on some random roads. We drive up the hill and the way the driveway is situated, there is no way in hell that the rig we got would turn to make it in there. I offloaded my car and trailer on the 9% incline road, hoping like hell it didn't roll off the side of the mountain and i figured there had to be a turnabout somewhere higher up the road.

Luckily, there was something close to it but it is a hair pined turn. I'll post some pics later on for reference :P

All this time I REALLY have to drop a deuce. Man, like i have never had to before. I felt like my ass was an overactive snapping turtle. So, I finally get the truck in the driveway, move my car up the driveway from the side of the mountain and we get ready to venture into the house and we notice there is no power....... or water....

Hell, I'd be fine with crapping in a toilet that at least had some left over water in it but it was BONE DRY. I wasn't about to defile our new house in that way (and have to clean up the mess later on) so I went out side. I leaned up against our new house and felt massive amounts of relief as I shat the biggest shat ever. All 3 of my kids and my wife were laughing at me which made the situation all the funnier, in retrospect.

I wasn't about to leave a steaming pile of shit on the side of our new house so I grabbed a log from the wood pile to put over it and here is the moral of this long, drawn out story.

Never, ever, ever drop a log on a fresh pile of shit unless you are willing to clean shit off of yourself.

[VBSnus]

Ainkor, that was beautiful. Excellent delivery, left me on the edge of my seat. The plot twist in the end was decidedly wicked, with a poignant moral which should be considered by everyone.

Two thumbs up.

[cyrax777]

the best crap story i ever heard is the ryans steakhouse one to long for me to post but google it some time.

[VBSnus]

This is the funniest poop story I've ever read: http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/C...oxypowder.html

[Premium Parrots]

Those are all great stories. But seriously, I challenge ANYONE to come up with a better one than this........

grab a bucket and read

http://shiroioji.livejournal.com/114944.html



check out the comments at the end. They are hilarious

[spike]

lol pp.. that one is terrible man..i didnt get to see the pics but i can imagine..some funny shit. (pun intended)

[Veganpunk]

WOW, that is the best/worst crap story I've ever heard PP. Holy @%!$.

[Sigg]

Probably the most horrible/funny one I've read (it's a little long):

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sho...readid=2357238

[Veganpunk]

Any newcomers have a related story?

[desirexe]

This is the funniest poop story I've ever read: http://www.poopreport.com/Consumer/C...oxypowder.html

I try to remain all discrete and feminine when it comes to "bm" and "toots," but I have to admit that the above story had me laughing so hard that I had tears!!! "Poop Shrapnel!!!???" LMAO, again!!! Definitely give this a read, especially if you saw the toilet scene in American Pie, I believe the first one, and thought that was hilarious..or the toilet scene in Dumb and Dumber.

[Monkey]

When I was 16 I was at the doctor's office with a 104 degree fever, sinus infection, upper resp. Infection, sore throat and flu like symptoms...probably the sickest I've ever been.

I was going to the pediatrician because that was who I had to go to under my parents insurance.

As I was in the waiting room, I sneezed so hard I shit my pants, but I was so sick I didn't really care. I told my mom, who took me and she just started laughing.

It stank baaaaad.

When I got in the doctors office, I had to tell him. He didn't even come near me, he just wrote some prescriptions and sent me on my way.

It was awesome.

Mike