Words of Wisdom, or The Quote Thread

[sgreger1]

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)


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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'


- Eleanor Roosevelt


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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..


- Mark Twain


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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible


- George Burns


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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.


- Victor Borge


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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.


- Mark Twain


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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.


- Socrates


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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.


- Groucho Marx


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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.


- Jimmy Durante


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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.


- Zsa Zsa Gabor


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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.


- Alex Levine


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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.


- Rodney Dangerfield


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Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.


- Spike Milligan


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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .


- Joe Namath


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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.


- Bob Hope


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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. Â


- W. C. Fields


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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.


- Will Rogers


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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.


- Winston Churchill


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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..


- Phyllis Diller Â


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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.


- Billy Crystal

[NonServiam]

These are great. I bet someone will be borrowing a few of these for their own sigs on here. BTW, your "punch the face of god" sig, what is that from? It sounds familiar, like maybe a lyric from a song. I know I could just google it, but then I wouldn't have anything else to talk about.

[danielan]

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill

LOL, too true.

[ratcheer]

"There are only two infinites - the Universe and human stupidity. And, I'm not sure about the Universe." - Albert Einstein

Tim

[LaZeR]

"Man with hole in pocket, feelin cocky all day" - Confucius

[STINKBOTO]

Confucious says "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot"

[PipenSnus]

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. -- Oscar Wilde

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. -- H. L. Mencken

[bill77.017]

When I die Dublin will be written in my heart.
James Joyce.

I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day.
James Joyce.

Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successfull personality and duplicate it.
Bruce Lee.

Bigamamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar wilde.

I'm an Atheist...thank God.
Dave Allen.

[PipenSnus]

I'm an Atheist...thank God.
Dave Allen.

I'm nearly positive Mr. Allen was quoting Aleister Crowley when he said that.

[LaZeR]

These are great. I bet someone will be borrowing a few of these for their own sigs on here. BTW, your "punch the face of god" sig, what is that from? It sounds familiar, like maybe a lyric from a song. I know I could just google it, but then I wouldn't have anything else to talk about.

Grabbed one of em up.