Jokes.

[Ansel]

Police are searching for a tiny clairvoyant who's escaped from prison. She's described as - a small medium at large.

[snusgetter]

I went fishing this morning, but after a short
time I ran out of worms. Then, out of the corner
of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his
mouth.

"Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the
frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind
the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait
bucket.

Just then, I realized I had a problem, how was
I going to release the snake without getting
bit?

So I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels
and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
The snake's eyes rolled back and he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident
and carried on fishing using the frog.


A little later, I felt a nudge at my foot..
There was that same snake with two more
frogs in his mouth.


Life is good in the South.

[whalen]

A joke for my friend in Sweden-
Two totally unbiased Snus Bloggers were talking over the phone about Funny looking cans, failed snus lines, and the horrors of TSNA's due to under steaming tobacco.
One of the Bloggers was not at Langley, although he thought his undisclosed location was Langley, and the other one was in the middle South, located at his world headquarters in the McDonalds at the local Wallmart, the one with the free Wireless.
They were also talking about how important it was to keep a honest unbiased opinion about the industry, and how pissed they were that SM had not given them as many freebies as usual.
One of them was remarking how he could not get his nose under the tent of that mysterious upstart company with those gazillion funky cans.
The other one had just finished a new snus review and was in the freebie box trying to find a "Minty" one so he could insert the name into the finished review.
Sorry, insider joke! Not going to be funny! never mind................

[Roo]

A homophobe, a racist, and a rapist walk into a bar. The bartender says: "Hey Kobe, can I have your autograph?"

[bipolarbear1968]

Is it wrong to tell a "knock knock" joke to a homeless person?

[bipolarbear1968]

Went to nurse with rash on my balls. She looked and told me to stop masturbating, I asked why, she said "because I'm trying to examine you"

[bipolarbear1968]

I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible.

[bipolarbear1968]

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

[bill77.017]

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

[bipolarbear1968]

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.

lol

What's the worst thing to hear your doctor say during a prostate exam? 'Look! No hands!'

[bill77.017]

lol

What's the worst thing to hear your doctor say during a prostate exam? 'Look! No hands!'

Lol. What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

[bipolarbear1968]

I tried sniffing coke once... but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose

[bill77.017]

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, "This morning Eve and I made love for the first time."

God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?"

Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."

"Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell funny."

[bill77.017]

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, and a goat stood up.

[Premium Parrots]

VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---


How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!


What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.


What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.


If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.


Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.


Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.


Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.