Oaths of Enlistment

[ProudMarineDad]

For all of you military folks that are not Marines, just thought this was funny but want you to know that I appreciate your service. Just a little partial to the Marines but you already knew that by my username.

All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment are
required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment
was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the
differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has
been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific
function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently
released by the Joint Chief's of Staff:

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US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED
STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the
Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit
behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise
to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to
walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing
to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those
around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will
believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the
knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around
me, and will go home early every day.

So Help Me God!

____________________ Signature

____________________ Date


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US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED
STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into
the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take
me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my
trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing
straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.
I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my
Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will
see is a Court-Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I
will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is
because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my
Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army
school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On
my first trip home after Boot Camp I ! will walk around like I am cool and
propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if
I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should
she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I
will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing
accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning
PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that
I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon
separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high
school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for
college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.

So Help Me God!


_____________________ Signature

_____________________ Date


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US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my
life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines
without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force
was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the
Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to
wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on
the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken
for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the
winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the
English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, gee dunk,
scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy,
water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the
fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for
that matter, are complet! ely different from the other services and make
absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700
every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will
show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the
point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and
still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted
at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I
am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims
of my newfound "colleagues."

So Help Me Neptune!


______________________ Signature

______________________ Date


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US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT

I, (have someone recite your name for you),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies.... ugh...Air Force
women....OORAH!

So Help Me CORPS!

[N0mad]

To funny PMD, my son is an Air Force A10 Pilot serving in Afghanistan right now he will get a big laugh out of this. We live in Military City (San Antonio) TX. we have Marines, Army and Air Force makes us proud.

[sgreger1]

LOLOLOL, excelent post. This is such an accurate description of all 4 services, ESPECIALLY the air force. I HATE those ****ing bikes. Who the **** does PT on a bicycle? Has the air force not been made aware of the fact that Iran has an entire kickass division of soldiers that does nothing but shoot RPG's from dirtbikes? And your huffing and puffing at 9 in the morning on your schwin thinking your captain america, huh Hero?

The army one needs to include "I signed up because I got a $40,000 enlistment bonus, and because I make $70,000 a year in tax free money while overseas as a private (at age 18!), but failed math so i didn't realize that when I take that amount and devide it by the number of hours worked, I actually came out making less than minimum wage, despite being deployed for multiple years to a giant desert shithole located in some foreign country, where I am tasked to shoot men wearing dresses."

[sgreger1]

To funny PMD, my son is an Air Force A10 Pilot serving in Afghanistan right now he will get a big laugh out of this. We live in Military City (San Antonio) TX. we have Marines, Army and Air Force makes us proud.

Tell your son that some guy in california says he kicks ass. The A-10 is such an awesome aircraft. When I was younger my dream was to someday join the airforce and fly one of those.

[shikitohno]

I live in between West Point and the base at Stewart Airport, so I see more than my fair share of service men and women. Occasionally I'll get a laugh at a store when one of them gets carded and the cashier says they think it's fake, when I'll step in and say "Asshole, it's a military ID, valid in every state, birthday's on the back since I know that's what's giving you such a hard time. Flip it over."

[c.nash]

Haha. That's hilarious!

[ChaoticGemini]

Guys, the airforce got rid of the bike test many years ago. They have a run (more difficult to pass than the army test), push-up and sit-up test.

[AFWife]

I have to admit that was pretty funny...I also have to provide an input. the Airforce did get rid of the Bike test a long time ago. The AF has new standards when it comes to PT testing their folks. Thes tedt is a 1.5 mile run, push-ups, and sit-ups. He runs about 6 miles a day and works out in the gym 6 days a week. Not all AF members a whimpy. But to add to this little bit, here is something that he sent me a few days ago..

Dear Civilians,

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has
many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of
you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas
where we would like your assistance:

1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the
playing of the National Anthem - kick their ass.

2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in
protest - kick their ass.

3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest
amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise,
quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very
freedom they bask in every second. *Enlighten them on the many sacrifices
these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a
disabled veteran kicks their ass.

4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were.
Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that
you used to be 'Special Forces' is NOT okay. Collecting GI Joe memorabilia,
might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make
you look stupid and get your ass kicked.

5. Next time you come across an *Air Force* member, do not ask them, 'Do
you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance
deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).

6.If you witness someone calling the *US Coast Guard* 'non-military', Inform
them of their mistake - and kick their ass.

7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on
your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart.
Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her
- of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe
ass-kicking.

8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We
are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party
affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our
Commander-In-Chief(CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our
CinC Regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens
inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet.
All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the
situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep
asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your ass
kicked....

9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying it!
If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore could kick your
ass!

10. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's go
kill those Commies!'. And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are not
standard issue in the military. That reminds me- if you see anyone calling
those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their ass!

11... 'Flyboy' (*Air Force*), 'Jarhead' (*Marines),* 'Grunt' (*Army*),
'Squid' (*Navy*), 'Puddle Jumpers' (*Coast Guard*), etc., are terms of
endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or
vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your
ass kicked.

12. If you ever see anyone either standing for or singing the national
anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR ASS.

13. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the
military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and
religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember
that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen
far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our
military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country
would get it's ass kicked.*


*'It's the Veteran, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the
press.'
'It's the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.'
'It's the Veteran, not the community organizer, who gives us the freedom to
demonstrate.'
'It's the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and
whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the
flag.'

[shikitohno]

12. If you ever see anyone either standing for or singing the national
anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR ASS.

This is the only one on the list I take any issue with. Yes, illegal immigrants speak Spanish, but they also speak tons of other languages. Besides, ages ago before we had everyone up in arms about "those damn, illegal Mexicans" or "those filthy Pakistani guys" the government said there was no problem with the national anthem being sung in foreign languages. The US has no official foreign language aside from English as the de facto one, but that's really only because it's the one the most people share in common. If more people speak Chinese or Spanish, it's probably going to change. There's plenty of old versions of the national anthem in other languages, like Polish, French, Armenian and Portuguese, to go with a few. I realise the list is in jest, but I just get irked when I run into the "Speak English or get out set" who act like they're somehow superior because they can use the English language. We've got no official language in the US, I can speak Irish if I please, I just can't expect too many others to speak with me.

[tom502]

I had this clear plastic ID card holder, and I'd borrow my buddies ID, and put his ID right under mine, in the card holder, and when we'd go to clubs and bars, I'd just show the door guy that, and it always worked. I was 17 when I joined.

[sgreger1]

Actually no. The air force has a considerably easier PT test compared to the army, the air force is only required to fulfill HALF the requirement that the army does. Plus their everyday PT standards are extremely low in comparison.

Airforce PT test: consists of a 1.5-mile run, Body Mass Index, 1 minute push-up and 1 minute crunch tests.


Army PT test: consists of 2 minutes push-up test, 2 minutes sit-up test, and a 2 mile run

So the army literally has double the requirements for their PT test. On top of that, the standards for daily PT and the standards for what is an acceptable score on the PT test vary based on your unit.

In the 82nd airborne where I was, we had a MINIMUM of a 4 mile run each morning, except Thursdays where we would put our knees in the breeze at 2am and jump out of a plane, hit the LZ and then ruck-march carrying all of our shit back (including rifles, body armor, and a full combat load) to the battalion HQ which was approximately 20km away. We also had an airforce base on our post and those guys were NOWHERE even remotely close to the PT standards we had. Even on our PT tests, you had to do a minimum of 82 push ups for example because it was the "82nd airborne". For comparison, the maximum score you can get on an airforce PT test is 62 push ups. Our minimum was 20 reps higher than the air forces maximum.

Yah they scrapped those stupid bikes in 04 (though some still use them, especially if you were injured in some way) but only have to do a PT test twice a year.





EDIT: It doesn't mean that air force guys are wimpy. I am saying their standards are wimpy. Same with the army, we get people that do the imnimum and start getting chubby, then we have some guys that work out on their own time and spend their weekends training on their own. It's all about the person. The minimum requirements for the PT test, and morning PT are really nothing more than maintenance PT, just waking up and doing PT is the MINIMUM. If you do the minimum you are not going to be rambo.

(Just didn't want anyone to think I was making fun of the air force. If anyone joins the military, join the air force if they'll take you, they get paid better and have a much chiller life than the army or marines. Trust me, you'll loos that hooaaah gung ho shit after the first week of not sleeping).

[snusgetter]

.. It doesn't mean that air force guys are wimpy. I am saying their standards are wimpy. Same with the army .. It's all about the person. ..

The uniform alone is not enough to change mindset.
Military attitude, though, should bring on the need to fulfill one's self.
At least it did back in the day!!

[sgreger1]

The uniform alone is not enough to change mindset.
Military attitude, though, should bring on the need to fulfill one's self.
At least it did back in the day!!

This is the myspace generation. Most soldiers feel it's a better use of their time to play Call of Duty in the baracks than to go out and hit the gym or study their filed manuals. In another 10 years, all the higher ranks will be filled with these people and our leadership will be soft and innefective. The myspace generation kids who are privates today will be the generals of tomorrow, and that's bad news for America imo.

[tom502]

I'm glad I got in(1984), and out, when I did. I'd think it'd suck even more today.

[ChaoticGemini]

Airforce PT test: consists of a 1.5-mile run, Body Mass Index, 1 minute push-up and 1 minute crunch tests.


Army PT test: consists of 2 minutes push-up test, 2 minutes sit-up test, and a 2 mile run

Most people I know max out their push-ups and sit-ups before the one minute is even up. It's the airforce run. It may be a half a mile shorter, but you have to be much quicker. Many airforce people get sent with army nowadays. For my husband, passing PT with the army was easy. He never went to the gym, put on weight and still passed with flying colors. With the airforce test, he is regularly put on the "program" because his short little legs can't move fast enough. The 2010 standards require them to be even faster and our base is now faced with a VERY high failure rate. Two of the three major marathon runners in his squadron have even failed. The only people in his squadron that are easily passing are the ones that are as skinny as a wet noodle and can't preform during training the second they are put in field gear.
I'm not saying the overall airforce PT is worse, but it isn't the joke that the other branches think it is either. Although I will say our new uniforms are aptly named. To most they are ACUs the airforce calls them ABUs -- most go to Combat the air force shows up for a Battle.