I Won At The Casino! Several Contests! As promised.

[jagmanss]

+ 2.00

[jagmanss]

- $2.00

[phantom]

+$,8000.00 An eighty year old couple decide to try for a child. They visit the doctor who asks the old geezer to produce a sperm sample in a bottle. After two weeks, the couple return and the bottle is empty. "What's the problem?" asks the doctor. "Well," says the old man, "First I tried it with my right hand, then my left. Then my wife tried it with her right hand, then her left. Then she tried it with her teeth in and with her teeth out, and we still can't get the lid off the bloody bottle."

[jagmanss]

+24,900

[Snotgifff]

-$24,900

It was late and he walked his girlfriend home to her house. At the front door he leaned seductively against the side of the door and said “Gimme a blow job”

“No!” she said “My parents are in”

“They’re asleep” he said “Gimme a blow job they won’t hear a thing”

“No!” she said “I can’t, not here”

It went on like this for a while with him begging and her saying no until the window opened and her sister put her head out and said;

“Dad says give him a blow job. If you won’t do it, I will. If necessary, mom will do it, but whatever, get his hand off the intercom!”

[phantom]

+$24,000

[Snotgifff]

+$21,200

two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have
a last night on the town. After a few
drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her
manager, 'go up to the first two bedrooms
and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk,
i'm not wasting two of my girls on them.
They won't know the difference.'

the manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take
care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says, 'you know, i think my girl
was dead!'

'dead?' says his friend, 'why do you say that?'

'well, she never moved or made a sound all the time i was loving her.'

his friend says, 'could be worse i think mine was a witch.'

'a witch ??. . Why the hell would you say that?'

'well, i was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and i gave her
a little bite, then
she farted and flew out the window... Took my teeth with her!'

[Snotgifff]

Nobody else gonna play...
-$11,250

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”

[Snotgifff]

+5600
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

[Snusdog]

+5600
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

Now that there is funny I don't care who you are......

[Paco]

-$9,500
A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a dead frog. He asks the man at the front desk if he can have a woman and the man says ''No, son. You have to be 18.'' The boy hands the man a one hundred dollar bill and the man tells him to go upstairs to Room 7. Then the boy asks the man if he can have a girl with active herpes. The man says ''No, I'm sorry, but all of our girls are clear.'' The boy hands him another one hundred dollar bill and the man tells him to go upstairs to Room 4. About twenty minutes later, the boy comes back and the man at the front desk asks the boy why he is dragging a dead frog and why he wanted a girl with herpes.
''Well, tonight when the babysitter comes over, I'll have sex with her and give her herpes. Then, when my dad takes her home, she will give it to him. Then, when my parents have sex tonight, my mom will get it too. Then tomorrow morning when my dad goes to work my mom will give herpes to the mailman, and he's the bastard that ran over my frog!''

[Premium Parrots]

Time for a hint!!

Its four figures and a fairly round number....ending with two 00's

[Skell18]

$6000

[Paco]

-$6,500 Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident?
Some dick cut her off.

[Paco]

+$5,500 A lady walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, ''I think you have the wrong room.''
''You put in my husband's teeth last week," the lady said. "Now you have to remove them."