I Won At The Casino! Several Contests! As promised.

[Bigblue1]

Knock knock...

Can't believe you took that bait.

[GoVegan]

Can't believe you took that bait.

He fell for it all right.

[Snotgifff]

Who's there?

Honey bee

[GoVegan]

Honey bee who?

[Snotgifff]

Honey bee a dear and get me a beer.

Pretty sure that should be the winner for best fn joke ever...

[Snotgifff]

How drunk am I...? Incredibly

[Snotgifff]

$150

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fvcking potatoes!"

[Premium Parrots]

ya have to tell me how much and if I gained or lost that much cash in the deal. I certainly gained by ending up with the pair. now tell me the money difference plus or minus.

so far all the guess's are the wrong number. And few members had stated positive or negative.

[Snotgifff]

+$150

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up. Where's the fVcking ship?"

[Snotgifff]

-$150

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry:
'9.'

Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry:
'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands .'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry:
'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

[Snotgifff]

-$4600

Who was the worlds first carpenter?


Eve, because she made Adams banana stand

[Snotgifff]

+$400
Why don't orphans play baseball?


They don't know where home is

[GoVegan]

ya have to tell me how much and if I gained or lost that much cash in the deal. I certainly gained by ending up with the pair. now tell me the money difference plus or minus.

so far all the guess's are the wrong number. And few members had stated positive or negative.

Can't you give us a tiny hint? Something like how many digits, not including cents, are in the number?

[Premium Parrots]

Can't you give us a tiny hint? Something like how many digits, not including cents, are in the number?

Sure....it would make sense that the amount would be between +$25000 and -$25000 and its
a pretty round number.

[Faylool]

Snottgifff. You went and bought a best book of jokes man! What a fiend!
How many guesses do we get? How about one guess each and whoever is closest wins? You can take every bodies 1st guess...just in case it goes for a very long time?